another day

there are no store decorations in iraq that have been up since thanksgiving.  no christmas songs on the radio, because most of us don’t listen to the radio.  no TV ads, except for a couple of generals wishing the troops happy holidays.  no christmas sales taking up half of the newspaper. 

and i think this might be the way i like it. 

not that i don’t have great memories of christmas, because i do.  i wouldn’t trade those for anything.  but at this point in my life, there seem to be more important things than a holiday. 

as i think through the reasons that most people cherish christmas, it gives me a clue as to why i may have lost much of my interest.

i do not subscribe to the religious aspects of the holiday, but discussions of concern over reduced holiday spending, ads that urge you to show your children how much you care with a new video game system, and special christmas versions of everything just rub me the wrong way.  it’s just another day, where the front page of every newspaper will display headlines about suicide bombings, train wrecks and random acts of violence.

my perception is that people love christmas because they have the chance, and are reminded of their obligation, to visit family, get in touch with old friends, give gifts, and in general show their appreciation for the people in their lives.  there is nothing wrong with this, but it is unfortunate that all of the baggage has to come with the holiday. 

since deploying, i’ve worked hard to keep in touch with the people i care about.  i’ve communicated with friends and family much more than i ever did back at home, i realize now.  and here is the reason – every day is like a holiday, when you think about the men and women who never got the chance to reconnect with old friends or long-neglected family.

i don’t want that to happen to me.  and i hope when i go home, i will be able to keep that perspective, and take advantage of every opportunity to enjoy and appreciate friends and family.

not that there’s anything wrong with enjoying the season, and a lot of good comes from the focus on family, holiday cheer and so on.  but as you go through the holiday season, try for a moment to picture christmas day as just another day, and new year’s as the same.  don’t pass up your chances. 

happy holidays.

cheers.  

the palace that Saddam didn’t build

Saddam Hussein, during his tenure as absolute dictator (or benevolent father, depending on who you ask), built somewhere in the neighborhood of 10 palaces for various purposes.  some were for his sons, some were vacation retreats, and some were meant to accomplish government business. 

but the 15th gem in this crown of palatial residences, the edifice to outshine all edifices (see if you can find anyone else who has used “edifices” in a sentence – i dare you!)  cannot be other than the room that the rhino and i moved into two weeks ago.

you may ask, “why, when the hardships of your previous room were so numerous and sundry, did you not immediately extol the virtues of your new residence?  why wait two weeks?”

my answer is, the shock was too great, initially, to do anything resembling justice to the description.  i simply could not muster the proper collection of superlatives in such a short time.  now i am ready.

the room is glorious.  it looks down from great height on other rooms and laughs.  it dances in the end zone and draws a taunting penalty after scoring on other rooms.  it scores a goal on other rooms, to win the world cup of room greatness, and rips off it’s shirt to reveal a sportsbra.

for the first 48 hours we were in the room, i unashamedly tell you that we didn’t turn off the TV. 

even the smell of mildew in the bathroom is a celebration of our newfound stature, as the old room was too drafty, with air seemingly seeping through the walls, to allow any sort of water buildup to turn into mold.

even the 15 minute walk to the bus stop (up from approximately 5 minutes) seems to be saying to us, “hey, don’t forget to get a little bit of exercise, friends!”  thanks, new room!  always looking out for us.

there are a few pictures posted below to give you some idea of the blissful circumstances we now find ourselves in.

additionally, to complete the comparison between the B.P.A. (Before Palatial Accomodations) era and the A.P.A. (After Palatial Accomodations) era, i offer the following Top Ten Things We Can Now Do:

10. walk through the door without turning sideways.

9. river dance. (if we wanted to.  which we don’t.  mostly)

8. both stand up at the same time without touching. (unless we want to.  which we don’t.  mostly)

7. open my wall locker without hitting my bed.

6. have conversations about what extra furniture we could put in the room.

5. watch the University of Delaware (kevin’s alma mater) play football (more exciting for kevin than me.  by far)

4. watch dutch league soccer matches (more exciting for me)

3. watch australian movies about teenage witches in plaid skirts and knee-high socks. (pretty exciting for both of us)

2. complain about having to get up to get water from the fridge (it used to be within arm’s length).

1. make it through the rest of the deployment without killing each other.

and if that doesn’t paint the picture for you, i’m not sure what will.  to all of you who i know are living in much more spartan conditions, i put out the welcome mat, next time you are in the IZ.  come on over and watch terrible Jean Claude Van-Damme movies with us.

pictures…

 the view as you walk in the door (kevin’s bed on the left, mine on the right)

  view from the beds, door on the left is the bathroom.

 enough room to river dance.  (which we still don’t want to do.  seriously)

cheers.

serious discussion, dammit!

i know, 2 of the last 3 posts have been serious.  i apologize, and promise a top ten and/or more ridiculous pictures soon. 

since the invasion in 2003, the US-led coalition has shown a distinct tendency to create US/Coalition solutions to Iraqi problems.  this is not news, and may spring from ignorance of Iraqi culture, ignorance of political realities, or just plain ignorance (my personal favorite).

i share the frustration of many working here as we watch this play out again and again.  and by “many working here” i mean mostly the gaggle of captains at CPATT who (obviously), had we been in charge, would have facilitated the creation of a free and democratic Iraq by now. 

but every once in a while, someone who has been in the army longer than i have been alive says something that had never crossed my mind.  i know, hard to imagine that much experience would actually count for something.  

a hypothetical situation: the coalition wants to provide equipment (as we have been doing for years) to the Iraqi Security Forces.  but wait, say all of the deep-thinking, nearly-almost-right captains, the Iraqi Security Forces don’t have a way to maintain this equipment – as soon as it breaks, it will be useless.  (we are very clever, and have seen this happen).

and this seems to be a valid argument.  until experience says, “here’s another way of looking at it…”

we don’t have to always measure success by the things that play well in the media.  violence rates down, iraqi capability up…these are all good things, but the very type of problems you have may be a (less popular) measurement of progress.

a year ago, we had no maintenance problem for the hypothetical equipment.  that’s a good thing.  we had no problem because we had no equipment.  now, we have a maintenance problem, and it represents progress, strangely enough.

the cart may be a bit ahead of the horse here, but providing the equipment a bit prematurely may also be the impetus necessary to create the maintenance program.  ideally, we would create the maintenance plan in conjunction with the distribution plan, but ideal plans rarely come to fruition in the middle of a counter-insurgency fight.   

so where does that leave us?  with equipment that Iraqi Security Forces need on one hand, and no way to maintain it on the other.   

ideal?  no.

a real-world solution?  yes.

certain to succeed?  no way.

but maybe not an indication of the plain ignorance i am so fond of identifying and ridiculing.  time will tell.

cheers.

christmas is ok

so this is the first holiday season i have spent deployed.  got back from kosovo just in time for thanksgiving in 2001, and i was back from iraq well before the leaves changed in 2003. 

my general philosophy while deployed is to ignore festive occasions, and try to maintain the status quo.  my college soccer coach once told me to keep my highs low, and my lows high.  i think that makes sense, but as i mentioned, i have never been deployed for such a major holiday.

therefore, when we were all herded into the DFAC yesterday, and required to observe the official lighting of the christmas tree, and listen to the “praise team” carol, i convinced myself that i was highly uninterested.  i didn’t want to enjoy this experience too much, because within 30 minutes i would be back at my desk, counting the seconds until the end of the day.  also, i will insert the standard “disgust-at-the-over-commercialization-of-holidays” and “annoyance-that-the-number-of-shoppers-the-day-after-thanksgiving-was-the-most-newsworthy-event-of-the-day” to round out my feelings about christmas in iraq.

despite these inclinations, i actually listened to the carols.  setting aside the fact that most were christian anthems, a fact not unremarkable to the more cultured among us (read: my roommate, the guy from NY) in such a diverse organization, i couldn’t help becoming slightly nostalgic.  and *gasp* i was not completely unhappy to be there.  (and not just because it was dark and i almost fell asleep)

so thank you, mom, for forcing me to endure bing crosby and danny kay in “white christmas”.  that song now reminds me of waking up to bright sunshine and the high 60s of a california december 25th, with renee (surprise) smiling ear-t-ear, and bre diligently making piles of presents under the tree. 

i’m also reminded of bing crosby and danny kay dressed as the hayes sisters, but that will be between me and my therapist someday. 

perhaps i will even allow myself to enjoy christmas day itself, if only for long enough to hum “white christmas”.

and in the spirit of enjoying a little christmas…thanks to Mrs. Neal’s class for all of the awesome christmas cards.  Master Guns Czubinski and I enjoyed reading them.

and of course, during this holiday season, i’m sure all of you back home will be comforted to know that every day we are improving our defensive position in the land of blue velvet cubicles, and will soon have a tank constructed from the boxes which formerly contained the goodies sent by our loved ones.

you may place your order for a customized cardboard armored vehicle at www.wewereprettyboredthatday.com.

cheers.

LTG Qais Hamza Aboud

if you were not paying careful attention, you might have missed it.  yesterday, LTG Qais, the Provincial Director of Police for the Iraqi province of Babil (just south and west of Baghdad) was killed in an ambush on his convoy.  it was a story that slid immediately to the bottom of the pile of breaking news, but should have been near the top.

i had never met the man, but in my function as an Iraqi Police Service regional team lead, his province was one of my areas of responsibility for 6 months.  

Babil took up an inordinate amount of my time, with their constant requests for resources.  LTG Qais asked the Iraqi government for more rifles, and was denied.  he asked for more body armor, and was denied.  he asked for more helmets, boots, and uniforms, and was denied.  he asked for an armored vehicle to ride around in, and was denied.

so he asked again.  and again.

as he was asking for more resources, he was getting the job done with what he had, in one of the most dangerous provinces in Iraq, which is comprised, in part, of the oft-referenced “Baghdad belts” south of the capital city. 

his province has the most capable special police unit in the country, the Hillah SWAT, largely due to LTG Qais’ determined efforts. 

i guess what amazes me that most is that LTG Qais was accomplishing so much, while dodging multiple assassination attempts, and fighing to obtain resources from a government still struggling to establish the processes that would provide those resources. 

imagine the commissioner of the California State Police, or whatever the equivalent may be, trying to administer and lead a police force of thousands, while watching the side of the road for IEDs whenever he leaves his station, to drive up to the capital in Sacramento to ask in person if they got his memo requesting money for boots for his policemen.  LTG Qais lived and worked under these conditions for two years, which is incredible longevity in Iraq for a public servant on the brink of assassination, removal for political reasons, and constant threats against family and friends.

a more determined or courageous patriot would be hard to imagine, in any country.  a bit melodramatic, i know.

here’s to hoping the good guys can get a small percentage of the media coverage the bad guys get.

here’s to LTG Qais.

cheers.

qatar and other things

you’ll all be happy to know that there is actually a reason behind the latest time span between posts.  i spent 4 days in Qatar (just south of Kuwait) on pass last week.  once i got over the indescribable (that’s a funny-looking word) flatness that confronted immediately upon exiting the plane, i took a deep breath, didn’t smell anything burning, and realized that it was going to be a very relaxing four days.

don’t get the wrong idea, though – even when relaxing i set myself some very rigorous goals.  i challenged myself to wake up every morning no later than 10 am.  having accomplished that, i disciplined myself to get a cup of coffee and spend at least the next two hours reading and enjoying the sun.  though i was inevitably drained at this point, i pushed on, and, after an hour-and-a-half for lunch, i would grind through another two hours of reading and general relaxation.

at this point my day would really start to drag on, as i would head to the Morale, Welfare, and Recreation building to watch a movie, or a football game.  then, to make sure i could at least point to some kind of memorable accomplishment for the day, i would drink my 3 beers that i was allowed, read a bit more, and go to bed, knowing with a sense of foreboding that the next day would be just as exhausting. 

from the reactions i got from kevin and glen and other co-workers, the time off was good for me. 

kevin: wow, you don’t look as gaunt anymore!

glen: those dark circles are gone from under your eyes!

stacy: you were gone???

in other news, the good folks who have adopted me as their recipient for any and all food they can fit into a box (bless them) have gotten an early start on the holiday season, and i have received no less than SEVEN boxes of food and other items in the last two days.  this means i am off to a flying start in our “december package balanced scorecard tracker” (CPATT inside joke…trust me, you don’t want to know)  my closest competition is glen, with three, and he has already made the tactical blunder of asking his family to send more packages to me. 

so, for those of you who may be preparing to send christmas goodies this way, be advised that we are well-stocked on dental floss, christmas cards, cans of chili, small tubes of toothpaste and girl scout cookies.  also, anyone loooking for a circa 1960’s copy of Letters from the Ephesians, you can stop by CPATT for your complimentary copy. 

cheers. 

cold=good

so it’s been about a month since the last post, and absolutely nothing of interest has happened.

cheers.

just kidding, i have actually come up with a Top Ten things that have happened since my last post.  i would modify the term “things” if there were any way to categorize them, but after a great deal of thought, i couldn’t come up with ten “cool” things that had happened, or ten “interesting” things, or even ten “not-so-cool” things.  so all you get is “things”.  deal with it.

10. found myself in germany escorting another officer on his way home, and was actually cold for the first time since i left kansas.  it was tremendous.  there was snow.  i’m getting emotional just thinking about it.

9. returned to baghdad, discovered it was not so warm anymore, and had to turn on the HEAT in my room.  it was tremendous.  i’m getting emotional just thinking about it.

8. told myself i have to stop getting emotional about things like snow and heat.

7. began reading “light in august” by faulkner, and was able to correctly answer a “Double Jeopardy” question, which would have added $600 to my total, had i actually been in the studio playing the game.  which i wasn’t.  all those around me were duly impressed.  and by that, i mean not impressed at all.  and by that, i mean i was all alone yelling at a TV screen.

6. having answered the Double Jeopardy question, i figured i had learned all i could from the book, and promptly stopped reading it.

5. having been thwarted in the completion of at least 30 crossword puzzles (advertised to be “fun and relaxing” on the cover of the book), decided that Will Shortz (editor of said crosswords) is my mortal enemy.

4. made the mistake of telling the people in my office that the editor of the New York Times crossword, whom i had never met, was now my mortal enemy.  some co-workers suggested counseling.

3. discovered that the song “apologize” by One Republic is possibly the greatest song ever, and may be the solution to all the world’s problems.  again, co-workers disagreed.

2. decided co-workers had their priorities entirely backwards.  ventured this opinion to co-workers.  counseling went from “suggested” to “mandatory”. 

1. more to follow…

anyways, things are rolling along here, just about at the seven-month mark, and no worse for the wear.  for those of you who have asked what we did for halloween, i have attached a picture of our office party (we were only allowed one drink)…

 but seriously, where can i get one of those cups???

cheers.

bubble races

now, i’m sure you’ve all had the equivalent of an “otter pop” in your lifetime.  some backward people who live up in humboldt may call them “freeze pops”, but normal people know that they occupy a storied place in history as “otter pops”. 

alexander the grape, poncho punch, sir isaac lime, strawberry short-kook (my personal favorite), little orphan orange, and louie-bloo raspberry are all like members of the family.  if you were a family of otters. 

only 25 calories, no saturated fat, and no sodium…truly, otter pops are a nearly perfect food.  all that was missing was the lasting entertainment value found in other foods, like the twinkie, which defies the normal aging process to which most foods are subject.  for instance, if a high-school german student were to put an opened twinkie in the back of their classroom, they would be able to come back to it two years later, and find it still spongy and fresh. (renee, is any of this sounding familiar?) that is what i call lasting entertainment.

well, as of october 15th, 2007, otter pops are no longer languishing in the “fleeting interest” pile, they have ascended.  and it’s all due to bubble racing, an activity that takes place before said otter pops are frozen, and may involve wagering of cardboard 25-cent pogs, stray pieces of gum, and half-used pink hi-liters.  for those of you having trouble visualizing what a bubble race may look like, i present the follow picture:

this picture was taken immediately before the start of a bubble race (i apologize for being unable to rotate the picture.  that is beyond my expertise).  moments after this snapshot, i flipped the otter pop string over, and the race was on!  there are usually three or four participants watching to see which air bubble reaches the top of the pop first…will it be middle orange?  or outside red?  you never know!!!

you may call it sad, i call it the greatest thing to happen to my office since nose hair.

cheers.

nose hair

yes, someone with more delicate sensibilities would have used some sort of creative euphemism for the hair in your nose.  haha.

for those of you not put off by the title, today’s discussion, which actually became rather heated this morning between myself and the rhino in our room, deals with the difficulties inherent in keeping your nose free from stray, visible, (and therefore offensive to all) nose hairs.

from the disturbingly in-depth conversation which nearly made me late for breakfast, i have gleaned the following Things To Know and Share With Your Friends About Nose Hair:

1) any sort of visible nose hair, no matter how little it protrudes, is highly offensive.

2) the darker the hair, the more offense will be taken.

3) if you can’t tell where your nose hair ends and your mustache begins, you’re wrong.

4) trimming of nose hair is a precision operation – clumsy trimming may lead to matting of nose hair, which in turn could cause a rogue hair to appear in a previously cleared area of the nose.

5) having in-depth conversations about nose hair right before meals is an effective dieting technique.

this was the most stimulating conversation i’ve had in quite some time, which is not as sad as it sounds, because it really was a lively one…

in current events, how horrible of a mother do you have to be for kevin federline to be considered a more fit parent than you are? 

and just for the record, the phillies have been on a tear ever since i posted the picture of the phillie phanatic above my desk. 

maybe if i post a picture of the government of iraq, they’ll pick up the pace…

cheers.

religious ponderings

we are over halfway through Ramadan now, and the forecasted upswing in violence has yet to occur.  i’m looking forward to seeing what happens on the Night of Power and the last day, the Eid.  apparently the last day of Ramadan initiates a two-day feast to celebrate the ending of the fast.  (yoder, i can hear you drooling.  i’m sure they have plenty of saltines and jam on hand).  at times, Islam appears to just be one big ceremony, with days of religious festivities sprinkled pretty much throughout the entire year. 

i wonder if there are areas where the religious events have been commercialized and transformed in the same way Christmas has with the Christian faith…although in a religion where representations of Mohammed (PBUH) are taboo, i don’t think the greeting card industry would ever get off the ground…eliana, any thoughts?

learned how to say “sarcastic” in arabic today, a word that will come in very handy (and not just when describing myself) – muktarrak.

the ratio of crossword-puzzles-completed to people-i-like-working-with-here remains high.

no new pictures today, apologies.  although glen’s strange fetish for taking pictures of me and kevin while we’re sitting at our desks continues.  i think he is working on a calendar of “disgruntled office workers of CPATT”. 

for those of you concerned with the welfare of the sea-monkeys on kevin’s desk, they are thriving, even though kevin has apparently decided they are required to observe Ramadan, and has not fed them for a week.  i think for the end of Ramadan we’ll just put a steak into the tank and see what happens.

before i descend into further absurdity, i’ll head home.  the rhino is impatient, and wants to leave. 

cheers.